Make up your mind

There are so many beauty products available these days it can be overwhelming. When it comes to your big day, there was a trend a few years back to airbrush bridal makeup on.  Now, product integrity is in vogue.  People are becoming more concerned with what goes into their makeup products - and therefore what ultimately is absorbed by their skin.  Apparently it can take as little as 26 seconds for toxins to be absorbed by our skin and many of us haven't ever considered what it in the products we slather on on a daily basis!

I think this is why so many people are turning to Arbonne and asking their bridal makeup artist if they offer it.

I read recently that a vast majority of the makeup artists in Vancouver's film industry have changed over to the brand whose motto is Pure. Safe. Beneficial.  The Re9 anti-ageing skincare range even made it into the very exclusive Oscar gift bags!  If it's good enough for the celebs, why shouldn't we give it a go too?

The biggest difference of Arbonne's stuff compared with some commercially available brands is that it is formulated without any of the following:
talc | tallow | carbon black | animal products or by-products | parabens | formaldehyde-donating preservatives | phthalates | formaldehyde | alkylphenols | benzene | monoethanolamine | triclosan | synthetic dyes | hydroquinone | artificial sweeteners | artificial flavours | cholesterol | trans fats | mineral oil

Now, I've been into product integrity for 20 years but on my big day, certified safe products weren't available. It was also significantly more expensive to go with an artist who could promise product integrity.  Arbonne has been in Australia since 2007 so it is now becoming more readily available in the bridal industry and BONUS you can actually get the stuff yourself for regular use.

The makeup is beautiful to wear and comparable to brands with great coverage reputations like Mac and Chanel.  The primer alone is worth the change! Your skin feels soooo velvety!! And they have a lovely colour range to suit all hues. Frankly you could even DIY your makeup with these products (just wear your foundation slightly thicker than you would regularly) and still have the staying power and elegance of a professional job!

Check out some of the reviews below:

https://kirstinalexandramakeup.wordpress.com/2012/12/16/five-fabulous-arbonne-products/

Top beauty tips from a celebrity makeup artist

Written by Arbonne Independent Consultant, Nicola Britton
http://nicolabritton.arbonne.com

How to guide: Asking your parents for money

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Asking people for money is always an incredibly awkward experience. Add on a pile of social and gendered expectations and you’ve got a maelstrom of uncomfortable assumptions. These days, many couples live together before they marry and are used to managing their own money together so they are choosing to pay for their own weddings, with contributions from their parents, rather than the old tradition of the bride’s father paying for the whole shebang. This means that asking your parents for a contribution can be an etiquette minefield.

If you’re mostly covering costs yourselves, my personal recommendation when initially setting your wedding budget is to try not to factor in what parents and others might be contributing. That way anything they give you will be a bonus that you don’t have to pay yourselves, which will save you money and you won’t get caught out if for some reason it’s less than you thought or than they originally advised. Don’t be tempted to count their contribution as expanding the budget and allowing you to really splurge! Remember there is a marriage at the end of all this that will need healthy finances to flourish. Anything you save on the wedding can be instead directed towards other savings goals like a house deposit or a new car.

Another recommendation: don’t ask your parents outright how much they are willing to give. In doing so you are essentially asking them to put a price on their love for you, and no parent is going to appreciate that. Instead, once you’ve figured out what the overall budget looks like and how much you can save, you should be able to ask them for a specific figure or even ask them to cover the estimated cost of a specific item, like the photography. That way they’ll feel less like an ATM and you can avoid serious embarrassment later if you make decisions they won’t agree with—it’s a lot harder to win an argument with your mum on the dress if she can say “well I’m paying for it”!

Keep in mind also that there are lots of etiquette rules around weddings and your parents might be working on an assumption without your knowledge. As an example, my parents thought they were going to be paying specifically for the food and were thus rather affronted when we mentioned we were considering a very fancy restaurant for the reception! Be upfront about your own expectations and ask them about theirs so everyone is on the same page.

Tips:

• You're not obligated to tell anyone how much the whole shebang is costing you. Yes, there will be people who ask.
• Make sure to pick the right moment for the money conversation. Try not to blindside anyone and don't let the conversation get derailed.
• Be prepared if you're asking for a high figure to justify the expense. "But it's my wedding!!" is not always enough of an argument. 

Lay off the bride

Note: this entry includes discussion of eating disorders and body issues. If you want someone to talk to about these topics, contact the Butterfly Foundation http://thebutterflyfoundation.org.au/

Here’s a fact about me: I am rather sensitive about my body weight. Wow, a woman with body issues, call the media! But seriously, it’s a hot button issue for me, mostly because of a perfect storm of weight gain as a teenager caused by moving to a different school at the exact moment when my paternal grandmother’s genes kicked in out of nowhere and turned this former weedy, lanky kid into a full-on pear shape. The fact that I continued to live on hot chocolates and baked potatoes and fundraiser box Freddos despite gaining two dress sizes from the age of 15 to 17 is testament to how blithely unprepared I was for a) puberty and b) lifestyle changes. After finishing high school, I joined a gym with my mum as a two-for-one special and discovered that, in contradiction to my nerdy bookish persona and the lessons of 12 years of Phys Ed, I actually like exercising! Thanks to the miracle of a teenage metabolism, even without pushing it that hard I dropped something like 10kg and went down a dress size in the three months between high school and starting uni.

This was awesome and made me feel really good about myself and what my body could achieve! However, like most fast weight loss success stories, I gained most of it back within the next 12 months thanks to discovering cheap beer and not identifying why I had gained the weight in the first place and making appropriate lifestyle changes. I went back up a dress size, and, aside from 5kg gained and lost as part of the coming of age ritual that is share house living, and despite flirtations with fad diets, the psychological lure of weight loss ads and extreme avenues of thought that if explored would most likely lead to a full blown eating disorder, there I have stayed.

The point of pouring out all this is to make the point that even though I am the statistically average size for an Australian woman, I have been bigger than I feel comfortable being for going on ten years now and am pretty darn sensitive about it, though usually in denial. Most people I know are fairly tactful so it’s usually not more than a devil on my back that rears its ugly head on the rare occasion when I read women’s magazines. I mostly just try to stay active, eat well and not think too negatively about myself in clothing store change rooms.

But a funny thing happened when I got engaged – all of a sudden everyone was saying to me “oh you’re not going to go crazy and lose a bunch of weight are you?” By virtue of a ring on my finger, suddenly my biggest taboo topic was on everyone’s lips. My fiancé and I have both noticed that weddings can be a complete psychological minefield to enter into and this was my first big mental landmine. The comments were well intended but (not surprisingly) very unwelcome. Like many brides before me, I’m honestly not comfortable in my own skin and I have decided to use the motivation afforded by the Impending Wedding Photo Deluge to actually get my act together and do something about it already.

This may all sound very superficial and buying into the IWC and it probably is. But is it really such a crime to want to look at your wedding photos and not cringe? It’s my damn body, I can do what I want with it and that includes trying my best to (healthily and sustainably) drop a few kilos and kick the devil to the curb.

But, in rebuttal to those initial comments, I haven’t turned into a hardcore Paleo Crossfit evangelist. I have simply gotten more active, by by going more often to the gym and going to fitness classes to push myself in a fun environment rather than simply hitting the tredmill five days a week. I am also practicing ‘conscious eating’, whereby instead of mindlessly shoving food in my face hole, I plan out meals (so no opportunity for last minute decisions for chips and gravy for lunch), I keep a food journal, and I actively participate in the act of eating to stop when I feel full. I like it because it’s not a “diet” and doesn’t involve calorie counting (which I always give up on). I’m just being aware of what (and how much) I’m putting in my mouth. My fiancé is very much not interested in living with a cranky girl on a diet, so this works for both of us which helps to keep me on track.

I’ve already lost five kilos since our engagement which honestly feels like winning a gold medal. I’ve got three months left to the wedding and three kilos to my goal weight. Most importantly I’m feeling confident and motivated because I’m not doing it to fit into the dress; I’m doing it to feel good wearing it. So, please, keep your damn comments to yourselves.

Flowers

So, a word on flowers.  What do you like?  Colours, varieties etc. Do you want a bouquet?  What kind of bouquet?  Do you need flowers at all??

I have just a few notes on your floral selection.

Don't assume you know your flowers. 
A photo a certain bride to be recently sent me seemed at first to be a standard rose bouquet. However, upon closer inspection it in fact included different varieties of rose finished with camelia leaves!!  Whodathunk?  Arrangements are often decorated or bulked out with leaves, sprays and berries.

It's extremely important once you know what you like to find out if your favourite flowers are in season on the date of your wedding.  And have a back up option.  Weather can have drastic consequences for the florist trade, with some flowers coming early or late due to an unforeseen cold snap or heatwave.  Other flowers may have a very limited supply, being sourced from interstate. Yep, that'll push the price up too!

Price
Get ready to swoon.  You may be astonished at how expensive the flowers will be.  A standard rose bouquet for example can set you back a couple of hundred dollars!  As a general rule, the more types of flower in the arrangement and/or the more work involved in arranging, the more expensive it will be.  Remember, most bouquet will involve some wiring - it's not as simple as slapping a bunch together and tying a ribbon round.

Table centres
These will be the biggest floral expense by far depending on how many tables you have.  You should budget for at least $50 per table for something simple.  You can have centres as simple or elaborate as you like, using flowers, leaves, feathers, candles or ornaments. I've even done an event with giant cocktail glasses full of jelly! And don't neglect the benefits of adding a mirrored board.   Keep in mind that a simple flower in a small tea vase can be enough for an elegant reception.  They don't even have to match - just pick a colour palette!

A word to the wise, if you have friends or family who are, well, stupid drunks, consider using battery operated tea lights instead of flammable ones. You'll thank me!  I've had even the most responsible CEO set a table on fire by accident!

Ceremony flowers
Consider your needs here.  Most churches do supply flowers but there's no guarantee you'll love them.  If you don't care, great! If not, remember to discuss your options at the time of booking.  If you want rose petals for the aisle or afterwards, you'll need to specify this with your florist.  Arbors or arrangements can cost upward of $500-1000 so do your homework and be specific!!



Also consider the different types of bouquet.  While the round posy is still the most popular, I carried a small teardrop which looked more delicate and intricate but was actually cheaper!  There are also heaps of bouquets available now made as keepsakes such as brooches, silk flowers.... the sky's the limit.

A word on venues

So you’ve found the someone you can spend the rest of your life with. You’ve decided to make it official.  Ultimately, as Em has pointed out, once you have made the decision to be together, have someone who can make it official and you’ve got something to wear (or not if you’re having a naturalist wedding – and why not? Less things to buy!), there’s really only one thing left to sort: Where the heck are you going to do it?  Everything else is window dressing and what the wedding industry makes a fortune from every year.

So, venues.  This can actually become one of the most overwhelming decisions to make and it’s certainly the one that can cost the most.  Outside, inside, small, large, simple, elegant, OTT? There are hundreds of blogs to inspire your dream venue.  Your local government sometimes collate all local venues into a Venue Guide on their website. This is a very useful place to start. If they don’t, call the council and ask!

When looking for your venue/s, the basics to consider are:

How many people are you inviting?  Around 90% of those invited will rsvp (whether using the details you sent or not!) and around 90% of these yeses will actually come (it’s even less with corporate events!). Strange but true – people get sick, non-transferable flights get cancelled. It happens. 

Cultural considerations.  Some families can invite up to 500 people on either side while others may have a smattering of extended family.  This will have a huge impact on venue selection as there are usually only a few venues that can accommodate these large numbers and they are often also catering to conferences etc.  Even fewer venues will accommodate large numbers and NOT look like they cater for conferences! 

Weather contingencies. Now I don’t suggest you prepare for every eventuality – you’ll go out of your mind.  However the biggest things to consider and ask venues when looking is what are the wet weather contingencies and are they included in the price?  Essentially you’ll need a roof over people’s heads and perhaps umbrellas to ferry people from car park.  If it does rain, remember, a wet knot is harder to undo.

Also, consider a super hot or humid day – this is Australia after all. Is air-conditioning possible?  Are fans provided/available? (And where's the power for them!) (If it's really cold, are there heaters?Even in the height of summer, it can be cold at night). Providing bottled water for people is a nice touch (whether branded with your lovely stationery or just bought in bulk from Big W) and if your budget will stretch, parasols or market umbrellas.  Personally, while the idea of individual fans is lovely, in reality, guests can just use your order of service. 

You can hire marquees (for just shade or full coverage) fairly cheaply but book early and check if delivery is included.  If collecting yourself, you’ll need at least 2.5m straight through the car – a hatchback ain’t gonna cut it!

Swing by the venue a few times on days with different weather so you get a feel for it.

Catering.  The majority of reception venues will have their own inhouse catering. I strongly recommend you try before you buy!  There’s nothing worse at an event with booze than food so bad, no one eats it and everyone is plastered in the first hour.  There’s usually a set menu and you set the number of courses and select the alternate drops for each.

Drinks – Where possible I prefer a bar tab.  Many venues will have a drinks package they’ll steer you towards however ask if a tab is possible.  This way you aren’t paying the same amount per head for that mate who polishes off a bottle of bourbon as your granny or pregnant friend drinking lemonade. You can select a few wines, beers etc and specify/exclude spirits as preferred.  Watch you don’t get charged corkage (ie the cost of glassware provision/washing/some breakage) in addition to a tab or package.

If you're doing drinks in a gorgeous outdoor setting and the venue aren't arranging them, remember you'll need eskis, ice and possibly even a temporary liquor license.

Dessert – it is possible to use your cake as dessert but some venues include dessert in the package.  Ask for a discount in this case if dessert won’t be used.

Toilets. It seems an odd thing to consider, but some venues do not have facilities on site.  As such your guests will be constantly asking you (the person who picked the place) where they are and do they need a key.  Please ensure you have sufficient toilets for both men and women and disabled access if required, within a short walk from the proceedings.  Also, do you need to provide soap and toilet paper or is it included?  There are also some really elegant port-a-loos (http://excloosive.com.au/) available for hire that won't look like Kenny will pick them up!

Décor. Does the venue charge extra for furniture, chair covers, fairy lights etc.  Can you bring in your own décor if you don’t like theirs?  What will be set up by the staff?

Some venues also provide you with an event planner.  It can be very helpful to have one point of contact to deal with.

Venue cost. It’s common for venues to have a room hire charge (anywhere from $500 - $5K) but often this is waived if you spend a minimum amount on catering.  Find out if this is the case early.  Some venues, particularly those in the Arts like art galleries, museums etc may rely on these hire fees to fund/protect exhibits and as such catering costs are in addition.

Insurance.  Please ensure you ask if the venue has public liability coverage.  In Australia this is usually for $20million.

Hopefully I haven't bamboozled you too much.  The biggest thing is to arrange to see the venue and have all your questions ready to ask.  

I’m planning a basic bitch wedding but I don’t care

In this age of Pinterest, Etsy and Instagram there can be a real pressure that your wedding must be completely unique, but let’s be honest: most weddings are pretty much identical on the whole. After all, when you boil a wedding down to its basics, it’s about two people in nicer than usual clothes making vows, followed by a party with food and drink.

Even the most outrageously non-traditional weddings will still have those basic ingredients. It’s the details that really bring in your individuality.

So rather than going full hipster and trying to have an “authentic and original” wedding, I am embracing the fact that there have been others pioneering ahead of me and trying to use their planning experiences to inform my own.

After all, when there’s an entire industry to navigate that’s designed to make you rely on someone who profits off your decisions it certainly helps to borrow the map from someone who’s been through it all already.
I have certainly found that despite the myriad of wedding blogs, magazines and forums out there, it can be really hard to find concrete information or even just answers to simple questions like ‘How much does X cost on average?' Fortunately I have Nicola for that!

Being a small city, Canberra has a limited number of venues and vendors.  But one of the benefits of this is you’re bound to know someone who has used the same one before and can give great advice. And there’s the added benefit with word of mouth that I not only get a recommendation from a happy customer, but I can see pictures of what their day looked like.

I’ve found most vendors are familiar with our venue, which is very useful when making decisions, especially if the consultant can show pictures of other events they’ve done there before. This mostly applies to decorations but is also useful for every other vendor, be it a band, florist or even hair and makeup – the fewer people who call asking for directions on the day, the better!!

But then, on some things, I’ve just gone with people I’ve found via Google! After all, I’m planning this thing so I’m going to do it my way (well, our way) and personally, the fewer appointments I have to drag my fiancé to (and go to myself), the better. If I can research online, organise the quote, find out more information and make the booking all via email or a phone call then that suits me best (I know, I know #GenY).

I would much rather do it all in my own time than have to go to an appointment and look through a photo album of pictures I could just as easily see on their website. Plus I don’t have the energy to select every item myself! I am much happier just leaving it to the professionals. If that means I have to be hands-off and risk it turning out a little cookie cutter, who cares?

Besides, it has actually been my experience so far that the vendors get really excited at the opportunity to work their own magic instead of having to try to match someone else’s vision (or copy something from another wedding that you pinned a year ago). They’re in this game because they love it, so why not let them do the work and show off their talent?

Things I’ve booked from just online research and talking over email:

• Florist. Based on her website, this is not the first wedding she’s done this way and from the photos her flowers always look great. I don’t have the time, interest or expertise to pick out each individual type of flower in my bouquet and I shouldn’t need to - she’s the trained professional; her opinion is far more valuable than mine on the topic. Plus how awful would it be to have your heart set on something that isn't available at that time of year?
  
• Hair and makeup. Again, I’ve done my research on their website gallery and Facebook page and am confident they can do a good job, so why spend any more time in trying to obsess over the particular shade and brand of neutral eyeshadow I simply must have? That said, there is a growing Pinboard on my Pinterest of hairstyles. But that's what trials are for, and again, they're the professionals so they should be able to work with what I have (and I'll take a photo of styles I like. I don't want to end up with prom hair up to Jesus).
  
• The cake. We’ll probably do a tasting eventually but really, cake is always good. Even if it’s dry and bland, after a few champagnes I’ll still think it’s amazing! Plus our cake will be served with tea and coffee at the end of the night as a midnight snack so it's not intended as the showstopper. What I liked about my supplier is she has a standard design that you can modify with your individual touches, so after the quote I know not only how much it'll be but what it will look like. And we can choose our flavour.
• Wedding dress. I actually ordered my dress off the catalogue from a stockist store. I had tried on so many dresses and not found any one that I thought was great (and I was not searching for perfection). I had tried on one from the designer that I liked the shape of but the neckline was all wrong and I didn't like the lace - after doing some online research on the rest of the catalogue, I found a dress in the same shape but with my favourite neckline and gorgeous vintage lace. Thanks to the wonders of Google Image, I also managed to track down some photos from real weddings and brides trying it on in stores so I had a really good feel for how it looked in both photos and on different bodies and not just on the model.

TIPS:

• Use Pinterest, magazines and blogs to decide what kind of look you’re going for – it’s a lot easier for the vendors if you can give them a basic brief (ours is ‘garden party’), or even a colour palette (pink, green, gold and white). Then sit back, take your hands off the wheel, and let them do their thing.
• Ask friends for recommendations but don’t feel obligated to go with them. It’s your wedding, not a repeat of theirs.
• Research your vendors. Check out their website, Facebook page and any reviews that might have been posted. That should give you a feel for what they are best at doing.
• Be upfront with your vendors about your expectations. If they are not comfortable with you having a hands-off approach, they’re not the right fit. And if they can’t come up with ideas of their own without your guidance, they’re definitely not right.

Amanda answers our 10 questions for newlyweds

Sometimes when you're planning your wedding it can feel like you're the only people in the world who have gone through this huge, time-consuming thing. Fortunately, that is most certainly not the case! In this feature, we ask newlyweds to pass on their advice from their wedding planning experiences, while it's still fresh in their memories before the glow of wedded life puts a shine on everything.

Amanda married her long-term boyfriend on 21 November 2014 in Canberra. She was kind enough to answer our 10 questions on the eve of heading off on their delayed honeymoon to Italy.